Ever felt stuck when trying to do the right thing? I know I have.

Especially so when trying to do the right thing thing for other people.

In trying to define what the right thing to do is you can end up heading down the dark rabbit hole until you start thinking about the purpose of being alive.

While trying to find answers to these questions that are beyond most of our realms of experience we become paralysed.

After all, if there is only one right thing to do, everything else we do is probably the wrong thing.

Living a life ruled by these thoughts leads to a fear of doing anything.

How could we be so arrogant in assuming we know what is the right thing to do for a person.

So comes the realisation that, how can I know what the right thing to do is even for me?

Freedom comes when you you adopt a different viewpoint, a new set of thoughts.

Rather than assuming you know everything, assume you know very little and are learning about the world.

Instead of freaking out over doing the right thing, you try something and learn about life through it.

No longer are you ruled by the fear of mistakes and life becomes full of opportunities to learn.

Some people may choose to feel hurt by the actions you try, that is their choice.

Trying with the best of intentions is a valid path if it is done with awareness and a focus of experience/learning. In this way you increase your knowledge of life and do not become powerless.

Your ability to live in the world increases. Maybe we will never know what the right thing to do is, but at the least we can begin to learn what the outcomes of our actions are.

photo credit: Tambako the Jaguar

Stand and receive.

Once again my martial art teacher reiterates my inability to perform even the most basic techniques of our art.

An hour has passed and I am still being verbally beaten into the ground, have I been training for 3 years or is this my first day again?

Yet I do not feel hurt, insulted or like I am being ill-treated. Rather I feel happy and grateful that someone is taking the time to enforce discipline and be brutally honest with me.

With no reaction inside me I take everything being said and look to improve my actions.

This is what it is like in a world where the highest emphasis is placed on learning.

Through the love and care of those around us we can work on improving ourselves. But only if we have already dropped any feeling that we are more than the insignificant dirt on the ground.

I look forward to learning from the brutal challenges of tomorrow.

You have no reputation that you own.

“It’s my reputation!”

This exclamation felt really weird when I heard it. A friend had been slandered and was preparing corrective action. Their cry didn’t sound like the real them, more like the words of someone else. Indeed it was probably another of society’s hand me downs.

But this particular statement stuck with me and felt really strange. What was this thing that had been wounded and required retribution?

I started asking myself questions.

I wonder what my reputation is?

Do I have a reputation?

Everybody has a reputation whether good or bad. What defines a reputation?

Well a reputation is a concept we have of ourselves. No wait! Our reputation is what other people think of us.

If this is true then we never own a reputation, we can never go on a holy crusade to reclaim it.

Our reputation is always subject to the whims and fancies of everyone else. In fact, because everyone has a different reputation of us (did you read that as representation…?) there is no coherent definition of our reputation that we can ever know.

If you choose to care about your reputation then you will forever be chasing the people who run off and try to burn the scarecrow you hide behind.

I understand the social/economical/etc. consequences of a bad reputation and as such you can take what action you see fit to make it fit reality.

But as long as any shred of your happiness relies upon a concept held in the minds of other people you will suffer and happiness will escape you.

So if I have your reputation allow me to put it on a piece of paper and give it to you. This way you will know that reputation was never yours to begin with and you are holding onto something outside of yourself.

Without a doubt awareness of my thoughts and emotions has been the fundamental key to improving my life.

To change and improve your life you must be aware of the causes that create your life. These are the thoughts and emotional reactions that spring forth in each moment of your life.

In seeing and ultimately breaking free of your thoughts and emotions you develop the ability to craft your own life in the way you think is best.

The seeing of thoughts and emotions I call awareness.

Developing Your Awareness

To improve your life you must first improve your awareness. Indeed it is a life long effort to consistently sharpen this tool.

The use of this tool is directional focus. While some of your attention is turned to the outside world you must always retain some focus on the regions of the mind and emotions (head and body).

Through continued efforts to keep a focus on these areas, the use of awareness allows you to become conscious of the forces that direct your actions and consequently your life. You will see the thought that makes you defend your pride and feel the emotion that makes you run and hide.

To build your ability to both observe deeply and consistently requires effort to both constantly make use of awareness and to believe that there is always more to see, hence increasing its penetration and intensity.

There are two useful analogies for describing the use and improvement of awareness.

The first is that of a torch. Turning on the torch enables you to see things, focusing it on your thoughts allows you to see yourself. To see more of yourself you have to constantly feed the torch energy to increase its power and keep it pointing inwards. This is through the effort of directing your focus.

The second is that of a knife. When you are not aware there is no separation or intervention possible between your thoughts and your actions. By holding a knife in your consciousness you can steadily develop the separation that allows you to learn and consciously direct your life. Whenever the knife is dropped it becomes dulled as your focus loses its edge. However when you exert effort and direct your focus it is like drawing the kitchen knife from its self-sharpening holster, sharpening it with every use.

With awareness you can see the causes of your life. With this you can consciously change it to create a new life full of greater understanding.

photo credit: James Jordan You never need to fear missing your goals. You never need to be upset about failing to hit your target and here is why.

Failing to meet your goals is your viewpoint.

It is one way of looking at those goals. It is quite valid to choose a different viewpoint, there is no one right viewpoint.

Today I looked at the goals I set for the week, I failed to meet all 3 of them. They were challenging but I have met goals of that difficulty many times before.

So I did some retrospecting on why I failed to meet my goals and looking at my behavior this is what I discovered.

I deliberately choose not to meet those goals.

I have distinct memories of sitting in front of my computer and having a thought flash through my mind saying ‘you need to learn some kanji now in order to meet your goal’. Then I remember choosing to study some videos on life coaching instead.

Does this mean I failed to meet my goals? From a narrow and rigid viewpoint, yes it does.

But if I look deeper I have to ask, why did I choose to study life coaching instead?

The answer is in terms of my life right now, researching that area provides me much more value and happiness than learning japanese.

That is how my beliefs are currently set up.

Based on that I’m glad that I did not meet my goals, what a waste of time that would have been.

Now looking ahead to next week I have to carefully consider what goals I really want and which ones I want most.

Failing to meet your goals is never a bad thing, you are at least one step ahead as you actually set  goals.

But if you learned something important about yourself then failing to meet your goals is a good thing!

Meeting goals is always secondary to learning about yourself and the nature of happiness.

photo credit: NeoGaboXEver wanted something and then when you got it realised it was not what you really wanted?

Today I took off my jacket to show my brother the new backpack I bought and then when I went to get my jacket again I couldn’t see it.

I did a full 360 and couldn’t spot it. Then my brain clicked and I realised that I was looking for my black jacket when what I wanted was my white jacket.

I had put my jacket on my bed, when I was looking for it my eyes passed right over it and I didn’t ’see’ it. When I replay it in my mind I can see the white blur as my eyes passed over it, yet it didn’t register as what I wanted.

What had happened was my brain said ‘pick up jacket’, as I have only one white jacket which I rarely wear my brain said, ‘your jacket is black, look for something black that is a jacket’. Consequently I totally missed it.

Ask If It Is What You Really Want

My example is trivial but it is an identical situation that can occur on any scale in your life.

You want to marry a rich and successful person because they will be a positive partner in your life. But are you really looking for a rich and successful person? Or do you really desire a sense of security and confidence in your life?

Think that life coaching is the career you want? Or is it really that you think it is an easy career where you can just talk to people about goals and make an easy living?

Whenever you come across something you want, whether it be a goal or a physical item it will be worth your time to ask yourself some questions.

What benefit will this bring to my life?

What feeling will this give me or relieve me of when I get it?

What most excites me about my future with this thing?

Now you can dig a little deeper into your internal desires.

How else can I get these feelings?

What would I have to do or acquire in order to get the same feelings 10x stronger?

What belief do I hold true that says that getting what I want will make me feel this way? Is this a valid belief? Can I have a better belief?

Asking all these questions will help you not only discern what you really, really want and avoid spending time chasing imaginary solutions. But it will also help you to learn about yourself and learn how you can rapidly satisfy the deeper demands that we have as human beings.