Samurai of old had to manage diplomacy very carefully. Depending on the era, mistakes in simple matters could result in the death of oneself to the death of an entire lords household. Consider all who died in the tale of the 47 ronin. In this story a lord is angered during a discussion to a state in which he draws his sword, in his circumstances a crime punishable by death. Then his samurai seek revenge killing many of the offending lords samurai. Finally these attackers also had to commit suicide for committing murder.

Imagine if the first lord had been able to control himself and diffuse the situation. His own life would have saved along with many others.

In our times the majority of us are not in such positions where the consequences of our mistakes are so grave. But if one can conduct oneself such that they don’t have enemies and have a loyal host of allies, how much better off they would be. Here are my diplomacy tips for the budoka.

Allies are good to have

Allies are the best kind of people to have. These are all your good friends and family. But strong ties don’t maintain themselves. Effort has to be constant to stay close. Some activities to maintain some bonds to friends that are wavering.

• Send an email – Great for breaking back into a friendship that has gone cold for too long.
• Make it a habit to talk on instant messenger – Don’t swamp people but work on having regular conversations.
• Organise a reunion or a get together – If you used to hang around with a group of people organise an informal gathering. Movie, dinner, whatever was what the group might like.
• Call people – If you are already close enough to be on a calling basis do it regularly so you don’t lose the line.

Reduce your enemies

No one wants or needs enemies (We have enough problems on our own).

• Don’t make enemies - Just don’t. Don’t insult people, don’t get angry, don’t do anything you would not have them do to you. If they are people who do the wrong thing let them drift away, be indifferent like water, don’t give them ammo.
• Make space – Heard the saying ‘Time heals all wounds’, well generally scars remain. Give people room to get over their problems with you.
• Release enemies – If you have an enemy already, stop thinking and acting as if they are enemies. Reset your opinion to zero and then follow point 1 and 2

In the end self control will stop you making enemies and commitment will help you maintain your allies.

Image by box of badgers