My Brief History
Today I bring you a little history on how my particular viewpoints and understandings have come about.
I am writing this because quite a few people have asked me what is the background behind what I say. All I will ask is that you keep in mind that throughout the process I have been growing and transforming dramatically. So what I understand one day can radically change with new experiences, as it has done many times over the years.
Experience is exactly what I try to base my understandings on. Any other information that I take and present is purely to try and provide a context in which other people may be able to intellectually understand what I am saying.
But onto my history.
The Early Days
In high school I would have been classified as the smart nice guy. My interests were like everyone else, sport, games and social interactions.
But slowly I became troubled as I saw people consistently doing things that would make others unhappy.
One particular event I remember involved two friends of mine who were also good friends. One was teasing the other about a girl he liked and this broke out into a fist fight.
How could this happen? That two good friends could get physically violent, to go from friendship to hate in the matter of seconds.
Is this the fragility of happiness that humans are destined for?
It was at this stage that I began searching into the nature of happiness.
A Journey Begins
At the time the only avenue I knew of to explore this issue was psychology so I made sure I took those classes at school.
But psychology didn’t have any answers for me. It told me that people think differently because of their history and personality and that emotions and stress produced physical manifestations. However it did very little to answer the question of how to be happy and why people were not happy.
At the same time I started studying philosophy and religions from the east. In particular buddhism and its associated practices were of interest.
Along with my own investigations I started to come to the conclusion that all the pain and suffering that takes us away from happiness is caused by our thoughts and emotions. That only we are to blame.
While this in itself was a good realisation I could not figure out any way to create lasting change in my thoughts and emotions, in order to maintain happiness.
I tried out meditation and found the experiences great but within an hour after meditating I would be back to pretty much the same state as always with thoughts and emotions running amuck inside me.
Finally some Progress
While researching the general topic on the web I happened across the following site: www.gnosticweb.com
The site offered free online 9 week courses in self-discovery and so I figured I may as well sign up and have a read seems what I currently had wasn’t working for me. At the time I was still very hesitant at the word ’spiritual’ so I was quite skeptical of the site.
However after working on each of the new techniques presented each week I found what I was looking for. A way to really deal with those thoughts and emotions.
Through those techniques I discovered a freedom I could always access if I was willing and a level of peace and happiness that I did not know existed.
So when you read this blog, most of what you hear from me comes from what I have experienced by practicing the techniques from that website. Here I only discuss the beginning of those techniques because they are the basis for change.
If you are interested in learning more about what I talk about I would recommend you go to the website, signup for one of the free courses and make use of the course forums where people with much more experience than myself are around.
The next round of courses actually starts on August 24th (9 week courses) so if you sign up very soon you can get in this round. Otherwise the site also sells some book versions of the online courses which take the material a little further but obviously lack the interactivity.
For those who asked I hope this provides some information on the background that has formed my current understanding.
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August 23rd, 2008 at 5:32 am
I, too, had somewhat disappointing experience with psychology — though not quite as much as philosophy. I thought philosophy was a study that pondered the universe, but instead I learned about other philosophers. Psychology was more useful, though it really didn’t unlock the key to a well-lived life.
Some do better than others, but the best teacher, apparently, is life itself.
ari
August 25th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
I am wondering why meditation did not work for you to bring out emotions and more information about your inner self. I remember that it worked wonders for me.
Meditation cannot be done only by sitting around. I got instructed that everything that you do can be done in meditation by doing that only thing you are doing and nothing else.
So what is the difference in the approach with those techniques from gnosticweb you are mentioning?
August 26th, 2008 at 1:22 am
@Ari: Yeah, only internal studies seem to bring real change
@Martin: At the time that I was experimenting I was very much on my own trying a couple of different sitting meditations that I found on the web. I did not have any instructors as such. Consequently it was a practice ‘in addition’ to my life. Also at that time I was not seeking to understand thoughts/emotions, rather I was searching for peace.
The gnosticweb approach if I can call it that is very similar to meditation all the time no matter what you are doing. I find that thoughts and emotions surge much more freely in daily life. This particular method is one of constant perception. Applying stuff like this (as you know) all the time radically changes how you live.
The word meditation has so many different explanations depending on who you talk to, from concentration/visualisations to emptiness/perception.
I find seated meditations useful for exploring further thoughts and emotions that I see during the day.
Without knowing exactly what sort of meditation to compare it to I can’t give a specific description/response
.
August 26th, 2008 at 6:52 am
I think I understand – seems that different approaches may lead to similar results here. I had a good instructor when taking meditation lessons, I think.
August 26th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
@Martin: Probably one step that I haven’t really seen in my exploration of ‘web-available’ meditations is an explicit elimination step (for both all day and sitting meditation) for thoughts/emotions.
Offcourse this is just one exercise that I learnt/am learning on that site, but it is the one that has had the greatest impact.
August 26th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Actually I learned it that way:
“Live YOUR life. Do whatever you do, but do it with full attention. Notice your emotions. Name them and put them aside gently. Experience that emotions are not strictly part of yourself. They are things like sun and rain – they come and go. Don’t hate or get afraid of your feelings, but don’t stick to them.
Sometimes it may be that you don’t know how to go on – how to continue. Just sit down and wait. Simply wait – don’t wait for anything, just wait. Out of the emptiness you will receive a message from your belly what to do.”
I am not sure if it is good to completely get rid of emotions – might be – To remove all thoughts would stop me from working
. I think it is an art to cultivate emotions and thoughts. As with everything it can be useful or be an obstacle. How did you completely remove emotions and thoughts?
August 27th, 2008 at 12:05 am
@Martin: I like what you quoted, with the exception of naming which I don’t like (from my limited understanding of it).
Personally I can’t specifically recall an emotion that I would want to keep. The reason being that the emotions take me away from being and perceiving. That being said I have a separate class for things such as the spontaneous joy that has absolutely no reason for being. Some would class this as an emotion, I don’t because I like to clearly distinguish between the two types. This joy is like an extension of being an presence, a quality. It does not take me away from being or awareness. Complicated and I don’t really know how to put this part into words yet.
It is all thoughts that occur on their own that I want to eliminate. Using the mind to think is fine when done deliberately. As for the source of ideas, this is something I think I will be exploring for a long time to come. I feel that when I have an idea I already know what it is before the thought appears, but the timing is so short it is hard to be sure.
As for the elimination of emotions and thoughts I don’t want to get into that in this thread. You can try looking up modern gnosticism if you like. Or ask on the website I mentioned or email me. There is a bit of background information to cover before talking about elimination makes the tiniest of sense.
Thank you for sharing your experience/understanding and asking about mine
August 27th, 2008 at 1:25 am
> spontaneous joy that has absolutely no reason for being
Maybe there is a reason you just did not discover yet.
But anyway I also experienced sadness without suffering and what about compassion? Experiencing compassion I also have feelings/emotions.
If nobody would have emotions than probably nobody would know to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy actions. – Just a thought…
August 27th, 2008 at 1:50 am
@Martin: Sorry I meant no physical external reason for being.
Compassion is another one that I think has two forms, one that stems from understanding another from compulsion.
In my opinion if you are not ready to be deliberately conscious (going beyond relying on the mind to solve problems), to consider the consequences of possible actions and learn from mistakes then you must rely on emotions.
Emotions -> Rationale -> Consciousness
Offcourse it is scale rather than separated stages. Animals seem to use emotion/instinct most. Humans use all 3 with the majority of the time spent in emotions and rationale.
But then again, my social circle is only so wide.
August 27th, 2008 at 5:53 am
Thanks for the explanations – I will think of it.