To change and improve your life you must be aware of the causes that create your life. These are the thoughts and emotional reactions that spring forth in each moment of your life.

In seeing and ultimately breaking free of your thoughts and emotions you develop the ability to craft your own life in the way you think is best.

The seeing of thoughts and emotions I call awareness.

Developing Your Awareness

To improve your life you must first improve your awareness. Indeed it is a life long effort to consistently sharpen this tool.

The use of this tool is directional focus. While some of your attention is turned to the outside world you must always retain some focus on the regions of the mind and emotions (head and body).

Through continued efforts to keep a focus on these areas, the use of awareness allows you to become conscious of the forces that direct your actions and consequently your life. You will see the thought that makes you defend your pride and feel the emotion that makes you run and hide.

To build your ability to both observe deeply and consistently requires effort to both constantly make use of awareness and to believe that there is always more to see, hence increasing its penetration and intensity.

There are two useful analogies for describing the use and improvement of awareness.

The first is that of a torch. Turning on the torch enables you to see things, focusing it on your thoughts allows you to see yourself. To see more of yourself you have to constantly feed the torch energy to increase its power and keep it pointing inwards. This is through the effort of directing your focus.

The second is that of a knife. When you are not aware there is no separation or intervention possible between your thoughts and your actions. By holding a knife in your consciousness you can steadily develop the separation that allows you to learn and consciously direct your life. Whenever the knife is dropped it becomes dulled as your focus loses its edge. However when you exert effort and direct your focus it is like drawing the kitchen knife from its self-sharpening holster, sharpening it with every use.

With awareness you can see the causes of your life. With this you can consciously change it to create a new life full of greater understanding.

photo credit: James Jordan

Failing to meet your goals is your viewpoint.

It is one way of looking at those goals. It is quite valid to choose a different viewpoint, there is no one right viewpoint.

Today I looked at the goals I set for the week, I failed to meet all 3 of them. They were challenging but I have met goals of that difficulty many times before.

So I did some retrospecting on why I failed to meet my goals and looking at my behavior this is what I discovered.

I deliberately choose not to meet those goals.

I have distinct memories of sitting in front of my computer and having a thought flash through my mind saying ‘you need to learn some kanji now in order to meet your goal’. Then I remember choosing to study some videos on life coaching instead.

Does this mean I failed to meet my goals? From a narrow and rigid viewpoint, yes it does.

But if I look deeper I have to ask, why did I choose to study life coaching instead?

The answer is in terms of my life right now, researching that area provides me much more value and happiness than learning japanese.

That is how my beliefs are currently set up.

Based on that I’m glad that I did not meet my goals, what a waste of time that would have been.

Now looking ahead to next week I have to carefully consider what goals I really want and which ones I want most.

Failing to meet your goals is never a bad thing, you are at least one step ahead as you actually set  goals.

But if you learned something important about yourself then failing to meet your goals is a good thing!

Meeting goals is always secondary to learning about yourself and the nature of happiness.

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

Everyday I see people get frustrated or afraid. The thoughts and emotions restrict them because they cannot distinguish between what they ‘are’ and what their thoughts and emotions are.

Let me tell you right now that there is something that exists beyond individual thoughts, beyond swirling emotions.

In between thoughts, there is a gap. In that gap is something silent, something ever-present and all encompassing.

It sits there constant and vigilant as thoughts and emotions go by in their daily whirlwind.

The moment you drive a knife between what is ‘you’ and your thoughts/emotions you discover the space to distinguish between them.

Then you realise that with every single one you always have a choice.

You don’t have to be afraid to show your true self.

You don’t have to be annoyed at the world.

You can smile uncontrollably if you really want.

A thought that appears is just lightning in the thunderstorm of emotions. When you have a umbrella grounded to the earth it doesn’t matter what the weather is like.

You are free to do and feel whatever you want.

So start realising your own freedom.

Feel the gap, grasp it in your fingers and embrace what springs forth from your heart when you give it space.

Now is the time to love rocking your life.

photo credit: batega

There are so many self development tools around that we can make use of to improve our lives.

The first mistake many of us make is to only read about tools and never try them.

The second mistake is to learn all about a tool by studying it in depth but postponing its use until we feel we have mastered it.

The third mistake is to gain information from using a tool but then not act upon the information we have gained to change our lives

I want to talk about the second mistake I caught myself making.

Learn tools through use

Over the last 9 months I have been steadily memorising kanji in my quest to learn Japanese. I am up to number 1828 out of 2042 ‘everyday use’ kanji.

Through how I was introduced to the topic I made the assumption that I should learn all of these kanji before I began trying to read.

Now I realise that not only could I accelerate my learning/memorisation process by trying to use what I’ve learned so far by reading, but I would also be getting closer and closer to my goal of understanding japanese by trying to use it.

By reading, I see the kanji more often, even if I have to use a dictionary on every single one. But I also start getting used to the sentence structures and which kanji often appear next to each other in words.

So when you start learning about a tool, start trying to apply it in your daily life. This way you start developing a personal experience and understanding about the tool and learn it faster. Not to mention benefiting from it.

I was watching a news report on people who have gone through psychotic episodes and died after going through self development courses, which reminds of a message I should give to everyone undertaking work on themselves.

Learn how to see and understand yourself first.

While I would be stupid to say I know what goes through peoples minds I do know how easy it is for one thought to lead to the next and snowball into obsession or worse.

If you cannot keep track of your thoughts and emotions then you should not be trying to manipulate them.

When you begin working away at yourself to resolve issues and improve yourself, you become a lot more open. With this freedom you have to also take on more responsibility to actively look after yourself.

If you tear down a bunch of resisting thoughts and emotions that stop you from expressing your opinions then you have have to replace them with an awareness that evaluates what you are going to say and do.

Tearing away your defenses should not be done if you have no plan as to how to manage the new found space.

Whenever psychological space is created it gets filled with something different, you must be able to watch and be aware of what it is, lest you be swept away by a whirlwind.

So watch yourself. Discover how the mind and the emotions work within you, how they come, go and interact with each other.

I would like to hear how other people prepare themselves to work on themselves.

Whether you want to improve yourself or help others, the pursuit of happiness should come first.

Happiness is the stable base in which you can launch yourself from.

While you have not mastered the art of being happy you will find yourself torn in one direction or another throughout your life.

If you pursue money before discovering the secrets of happiness then your journey will be one full of turmoil and your success or failure will be nothing more than a note in your book.

Finding Happiness Destroys Negativity

When you know how to achieve happiness in any given moment then you have gained the ability to choose how you feel.

Once you have this ability to manage your internal state then undesirable emotions that negatively impact yours and others lives no longer have a reason to inhibit you. Because you have decided that they should not.

With the freedom gained knowing that you can choose to be happy at any moment then you can stop worrying about yourself and focus on what else you can do in the world.

The extra energy freed up provides the stimulus  to enable you to immerse yourself in life and begin to create new change in yourself and others.

I have dreamed of a world where everyone knows that they can be happy whenever they want no matter what the circumstances.  Unfortunately it seems to be a piece of knowledge which very few are aware of, or if they are refuse to believe.

No doubt I have to write more about getting to happiness. Let this be the beginning for you and me.

In other words, if you discover your own fear of something then it is something you should pursue. As generally the fear is an illusion and the rewards of continuing will be great.

This implies that something happens to you in your life that raises a fear. Now this certainly occurs in the average life.

This logic does not make as much sense for someone who is deliberately living their life.

In a deliberate life we go out pursuing things that we value. In doing so fear is often raised in our hearts.

But regardless of whether fear appears or not we have already decided that our action and goal is something we want.

So in this instance fear is nothing other than a hindrance. It serves no positive purpose and can only stop us from getting to where we want to be.

Living Deliberately

Fear may tell you not to touch something hot. But what good is the fear when you already know that touching something hot will cause injury.

Living deliberately we consciously choose what we are going to do. Travelling in the direction we choose we will sometimes come across the obstacle known as fear. But it is just another obstacle to overcome.

Choose where to go and then go. You don’t need fear to tell you where to look.

When you have fear but you don’t see it then it is a hidden enemy, stopping you without knowing you are being stopped. This is fear at its most dangerous.

If you see it, then you can know it. When you know it and no longer let it control you then you can walk past it.

Then you can live deliberately.

‘Put In The Time’

The word on the street at the moment is that it takes 10000 hours practice to become an expert at anything.

Now you don’t have to be into mathematics to have a sense that that means years of daily practice.

But as someone interested in self development you have already read that it is a life-long journey. Piece of cake… Right?

For Self Development People

As with any grand statement that throws magic numbers into the air there are a number of little things that need to be considered to make it useful.

Reading about self development counts as 0 hours practice.

So if you are at 0 hours, shutdown your computer now and go watch yourself somewhere quiet.

If you are still here you might remember I discussed that method learning acts as a multiplier in my two-pronged learning post. So unless reading is combined with substance learning (aka. Real practice) you get nothing out of it.

You don’t become an expert at self development, only an expert in self development tools.

Just because you have been interested in self development for 10 years doesn’t make you necessarily an expert in self development. To be an expert in self development you have to be an expert in each of the skills that are core for self development (I wonder what those are???).

There is very little point in sticking your foot in lots of little ponds, rather it is better to pick one and dive into the depths.

In the IT industry I’m starting to see the advantage of ‘generalists’ or poly-skilled people in teams. However I think a generalist is not all that useful unless he has a speciality. So we have people that are good all around so they can work together and then harness each others specialities.

I think this sort of thing would be useful in the realm of self development. To have a resource skilled in meditation, resource skilled in moment-to-moment awareness, resource skilled in compassion and so on.

With this sort of resource list we gain access to truly deep knowledge but I’m getting sidetracked.

My point is, don’t just practice a technique for an hour a day for a month (~30 hours), then choose a different technique and so on.

Moment-to-moment techniques have the most potential to be learned quickly (but they still require enormous amounts of effort) simply because they can be done all the time (16hrs x 365days = 5,840hrs). So in my opinion it is a great place to start to get a solid foundation in self development before you branch out.

Pick your tool and start digging.

You can be an expert in anything, but not everything.

Unless you are trying to be an expert at watching TV you may aswell throw it out now and work on what you really want.

You only have so much time, use it where you want.

For a great rant on the topic: you can have do or be anything but you cannot have do or be everything (Japanese language learning site I use)

Put in the Time where it Matters

If you really want to learn then put in all the hours that it takes to get deep and meaningful results. (Then tell me about them)

The two brothers lined up next to each other in front of their teacher who lifted his hands to his katana (samurai’s sword).

“Today I will teach you about combative distancing. I want you dodge my cut as best you can.”

The students looked nervously at each other as the teacher unsheathed his sword, it glinted at them as the sunlight danced along its razor sharp edge. It had seen many battles in the olden days and the boys had seen how even now it cut through bamboo with barely any effort.

The first student steeled himself, staring at the blade now raised above his adored teachers graying scalp.

Without notice the cut came and at the last moment the student dived backwards, stumbling as he regained his balance. Relieved to be untouched he went to his knees, gathering his breath.

The teacher motioned for the next student to come forward as he prepared himself for another deft cut.

Tension built in the room as the teacher observed his students composure, more relaxed than the first this student stared directly back into his face.

Again without delay the stroke came down flashing like lighting in the fading sunlight. The peacefulness of the summer afternoon was shattered as the sword ripped through the woolen uniform presented to its edge.

“Brother!!!”

The first student leaped to his brothers side as half of his uniform fell to the floor, cut from its owner.

As he grasped at his brothers body his teacher sheathed his sword, to the boys astonishment he found his brothers flesh untouched. The teacher sighed,

“There is only an inch between life and death, both of you knew this and avoided my cut”.

He pointed at the first student, “But you moved halfway across the world to avoid my cut and consequently gained nothing”.

“Your brother on the other hand only moved the inch required to choose life. Sacrificing everything but his life he gained everything possible from the encounter.”

Gaining the Most from Every Encounter

Many people believe that living life to the max means to be always taking risks and staying busy doing things, not letting fear stop you from achieving your goals.

While there is some value to this I think it is a little misguided.

I like the above story because I believe it illustrates perfectly how to live life to the maximum.

The first student took a risk and faced the blade with great courage. To any thrill-seeker he indeed lived to the max.

But what distinguishes the two students is their attitude.

It would appear that the first student was focused just on protecting himself. But deep down he was also protecting his clothes and his fear. Consequently he dived so far away to avoid the blade. Such a large movement was required in order to save those elements of himself.

The second student on the other hand had shed his clothes, his fear, his pride and all else. Because he had put all those aside he could face his teacher and only move far enough to protect his life. As such he was left in the best position possible for any counter-attack.

Bringing this to our life we consider our everyday interactions.

Whenever we interact with someone a blade is being swung. If we hide in our insecurities, doing just enough to get by in the expectations of our society we will be living half the world away from our authentic life.

If on the other hand we live protecting nothing other than our life then in our interactions we will allow our partners the full range of their swing and we will present our truest self fully.

In interactions like this you are not hiding anything, not protecting any prejudices or preconceptions. Then you and everyone else will gain the most possible from every encounter in life.

Like the edge of the katana’s blade, it is most effective when nothing is clinging to it.

The two types of learning are:

• Learning in the area of study [Substance-learning]
• Learning about how to learn in the area of study [Method-learning]
  

Now these may seem obvious but most people will let them blend together as one and this hampers our ability to learn efficiently.

An example is necessary.

When we want to learn about the effects of anger in our life there are a multitude of methods around. All of them provide Substance-learning when applied to our lives. Taking retrospection as one method, we wonder(as all good learners do) if there is a more effective way to learn about our anger.

So we engage in some Method-learning and discover the method of self observation during our day. We apply it and discover some gains as we gather some more substance data about our anger.

This an example of Method-learning in it simplest form. But the realm of Method-learning is much greater than this and benefits even more so.

Methods of Method-Learning

1. Discovering new and improved methods

   This is the method used in the above example. It is a method of discovering and utilising the knowledge of others who have gone before us.

   I have just started learning Japanese and consequently I have been diving into the research areas of language acquisition and memory (There are a lot of chinese characters!). The rate at which I can learn jumps every time I come across a fundamental discovery in the material.

2. Extracting general principles

   Whenever we are studying a particular area there will be many different ways to learn about it. Among these different ways there will always be some common principles. When you can identify commonalities among methods that bring results you can start to do two things. Throw away the excess edges that don’t benefit the methods and you can focus your effort on improving your utilisation of the effective principles.

   When I was learning to play the guitar I was taught to practice slow lots and independently I read about the concept of muscle memory. Looking at both of these methods there was a clear overlap. They both emphasised the importance of training the muscles to do the right thing. Consequently I learnt that the fastest way to learn to play guitar was to practice perfectly lots.

   Sometimes I like to think of common principles as Super Methods that others are a subset of. This is because too often ‘principles’ are forgotten, thought of as having only theoretical value. Calling them super methods reinforces their supreme power and effectiveness.

3. Fine tuning for personal use

   Everybody has different learning strengths and learning weaknesses. Because of this it is necessary to look at our methods and consider how we might tune them to be more effective for us. It is important to note that just because we all learn differently that it is not an excuse to say some methods do not work for us in cases where we simply have not invested enough time in learning how a method works.

   Fine tuning is largely a combination of experimentation and application of general principles. We have to take our current methods and tweak little aspects of them in order to see if we can improve them for us. The tricky part here is consistently trying our modification for a long enough period of time to see if it benefits us.

A Learning Formula

Amount of Substance Learnt = ∑t Effort Perseverance during t * Invested Effort in Method Learning at t

Excusing my poor attempt at a mathematical formula in wordpress this is what I am trying to say.

The amount of substance that we learn is a function of how long we persevere multiplied by how much we have already learnt about how to learn in our desired area.

If we just keep exerting time and effort we will basically learn at the same rate. If we invest time in learning how to learn better then our time and effort spent learning will be more effective now and in all future efforts to learn.

This is key, don’t neglect explicitly putting in time to learn about learning and reviewing the results.