photo credit: lilit

Have you locked your keys in your car?

Not once but twice?

There are some mistakes that we make in life over and over again, causing us to feel unnecessary grief.

And the cause…?

Lack of attention and a plan to change our habits.

The second time I locked my keys in my car I knew I had to make a change.

The first time is no big deal, we all make slip ups now and again.

But the second time something happens you have hit on a pattern and the only patterns we want in our lives are those that make us happy!

After I watched the service man neatly hack into my car to allow my key to be retrieved I set two plans into action.

One was to always carry spare keys, the other was to take the key out of the ignition whenever I turn off the engine.

Generalising the process to other bad habits we want to put two things into action.

1. Mitigation
2. Elimination

My mitigation plan was to carry spare keys in case I screwed up again.

Mitigation plans on their own are all well and good but they do not deal with the cause.

This is why we must look at an elimination process, wipe out the cause.

In an elimination process you identify a new behaviour or process that you can put in place the will replace the old one that causes problems in your life.

I established the new process of taking my keys out of the ignition as I turn off the engine and consequently with attention I have wiped out the cause that resulted in leaving my keys in my car.

This may look like a rather trivial example but the same thing can be applied everywhere in life and on every scale.

Never forget to pay your bills by setting up a particular day of the month to handle them and having your calender email you on that day.

Create an abundant life savings by replacing the need for excessive expenses and setting up a automated savings plan.

When you start to pay attention to your life it is amazing how you can shape it.

Especially so when trying to do the right thing thing for other people.

In trying to define what the right thing to do is you can end up heading down the dark rabbit hole until you start thinking about the purpose of being alive.

While trying to find answers to these questions that are beyond most of our realms of experience we become paralysed.

After all, if there is only one right thing to do, everything else we do is probably the wrong thing.

Living a life ruled by these thoughts leads to a fear of doing anything.

How could we be so arrogant in assuming we know what is the right thing to do for a person.

So comes the realisation that, how can I know what the right thing to do is even for me?

Freedom comes when you you adopt a different viewpoint, a new set of thoughts.

Rather than assuming you know everything, assume you know very little and are learning about the world.

Instead of freaking out over doing the right thing, you try something and learn about life through it.

No longer are you ruled by the fear of mistakes and life becomes full of opportunities to learn.

Some people may choose to feel hurt by the actions you try, that is their choice.

Trying with the best of intentions is a valid path if it is done with awareness and a focus of experience/learning. In this way you increase your knowledge of life and do not become powerless.

Your ability to live in the world increases. Maybe we will never know what the right thing to do is, but at the least we can begin to learn what the outcomes of our actions are.

photo credit: Tambako the Jaguar

Stand and receive.

Once again my martial art teacher reiterates my inability to perform even the most basic techniques of our art.

An hour has passed and I am still being verbally beaten into the ground, have I been training for 3 years or is this my first day again?

Yet I do not feel hurt, insulted or like I am being ill-treated. Rather I feel happy and grateful that someone is taking the time to enforce discipline and be brutally honest with me.

With no reaction inside me I take everything being said and look to improve my actions.

This is what it is like in a world where the highest emphasis is placed on learning.

Through the love and care of those around us we can work on improving ourselves. But only if we have already dropped any feeling that we are more than the insignificant dirt on the ground.

I look forward to learning from the brutal challenges of tomorrow.

To change and improve your life you must be aware of the causes that create your life. These are the thoughts and emotional reactions that spring forth in each moment of your life.

In seeing and ultimately breaking free of your thoughts and emotions you develop the ability to craft your own life in the way you think is best.

The seeing of thoughts and emotions I call awareness.

Developing Your Awareness

To improve your life you must first improve your awareness. Indeed it is a life long effort to consistently sharpen this tool.

The use of this tool is directional focus. While some of your attention is turned to the outside world you must always retain some focus on the regions of the mind and emotions (head and body).

Through continued efforts to keep a focus on these areas, the use of awareness allows you to become conscious of the forces that direct your actions and consequently your life. You will see the thought that makes you defend your pride and feel the emotion that makes you run and hide.

To build your ability to both observe deeply and consistently requires effort to both constantly make use of awareness and to believe that there is always more to see, hence increasing its penetration and intensity.

There are two useful analogies for describing the use and improvement of awareness.

The first is that of a torch. Turning on the torch enables you to see things, focusing it on your thoughts allows you to see yourself. To see more of yourself you have to constantly feed the torch energy to increase its power and keep it pointing inwards. This is through the effort of directing your focus.

The second is that of a knife. When you are not aware there is no separation or intervention possible between your thoughts and your actions. By holding a knife in your consciousness you can steadily develop the separation that allows you to learn and consciously direct your life. Whenever the knife is dropped it becomes dulled as your focus loses its edge. However when you exert effort and direct your focus it is like drawing the kitchen knife from its self-sharpening holster, sharpening it with every use.

With awareness you can see the causes of your life. With this you can consciously change it to create a new life full of greater understanding.

photo credit: NeoGaboX

Today I took off my jacket to show my brother the new backpack I bought and then when I went to get my jacket again I couldn’t see it.

I did a full 360 and couldn’t spot it. Then my brain clicked and I realised that I was looking for my black jacket when what I wanted was my white jacket.

I had put my jacket on my bed, when I was looking for it my eyes passed right over it and I didn’t ’see’ it. When I replay it in my mind I can see the white blur as my eyes passed over it, yet it didn’t register as what I wanted.

What had happened was my brain said ‘pick up jacket’, as I have only one white jacket which I rarely wear my brain said, ‘your jacket is black, look for something black that is a jacket’. Consequently I totally missed it.

Ask If It Is What You Really Want

My example is trivial but it is an identical situation that can occur on any scale in your life.

You want to marry a rich and successful person because they will be a positive partner in your life. But are you really looking for a rich and successful person? Or do you really desire a sense of security and confidence in your life?

Think that life coaching is the career you want? Or is it really that you think it is an easy career where you can just talk to people about goals and make an easy living?

Whenever you come across something you want, whether it be a goal or a physical item it will be worth your time to ask yourself some questions.

What benefit will this bring to my life?

What feeling will this give me or relieve me of when I get it?

What most excites me about my future with this thing?

Now you can dig a little deeper into your internal desires.

How else can I get these feelings?

What would I have to do or acquire in order to get the same feelings 10x stronger?

What belief do I hold true that says that getting what I want will make me feel this way? Is this a valid belief? Can I have a better belief?

Asking all these questions will help you not only discern what you really, really want and avoid spending time chasing imaginary solutions. But it will also help you to learn about yourself and learn how you can rapidly satisfy the deeper demands that we have as human beings.

photo credit: conorwithonen

But how do you get there? How do regain our child like joy of the world?

Do we need to try and act like a child to get back to our child like state that we have lost?

Or should we be heading in the opposite direction and master the complexities of our adult lives?

Recently I was reading a very down to earth post on Being like a child by Martin Wildam of One-Two-Solved and I was very impressed in the way he put his answer.

“I think the key does not lie in the intention to return to childhood. I think the key lies in mastering the uncertainty and worries by surpassing a certain level of wisdom.”

This hits the nail on the head.

A child does not worry much because it has few worries.

Adults worry a lot because they have many concerns.

Adults can attain the desired qualities of a child by reducing what they worry about.

Worrying is a compulsion of the mind and consequently it can be attended to with some careful self observation.

When you see yourself and start to understand your worries you begin to break free.

Do this all the time and you start to run out of worries and you automatically attain that much more freedom.

So grow up and if you do it well you might find some very immature people jealous of your childlike happiness.

From approaching potential partners and managing your friendships to conversing with clients.

Just before every action there is a flash in the major centers of the body, generally the heart and the mind.

These flashes can result in either a compulsion to act or create an inhibition to proceed.

While I say slay them both and act from clarity here I want to talk about tackling those flashes that inhibit us.

Because people that are often paralyzed by these often have trouble following through with important decisions in their lives and consequently become trapped in their same old prison.

Strategies for Freedom from Hesitation

Continual Awareness

In order to break free of what holds you back in that second when you think you have already committed yourself, you must be able to sense it in that precise instant.

These flashes cannot be seen by the eyes, you have to develop an internal sense.

Just as when someone attempts to grab your wrist and the hairs detect something allowing you to turn free, your internal sense enables you to break free of internal paralysis before it can seize you.

To develop this sense requires that you discover the difference between how your body and mind feels when it is being propelled by a train of thought or emotion compared to when it is clear and tranquil.

The quickest way to discover this is to sit quietly and close your eyes for about 10 minutes. Notice your thoughts bouncing around in your head and most importantly notice the silence in between them. Now ask yourself:

“What is present during the silence between thoughts?”

You are not looking to answer this in words, rather you want to ask this question to help you explore and feel this silence more.

Once you have sampled it you need to look for it in daily life in each moment. Just pause to feel what exists between thoughts.

The same applies to your heart. Watch how emotions feel in your chest and what it feels like when none are acting.

When you can tell the difference between when you are clear and when a thought/emotion has entered then you have a foundation that will enable you to take control of yourself and your life.

Weapon of Choice

Choose your own form of self confidence. Choose an activity in which you can practice dominating yourself. You want to develop a trust in your own abilities.

I practice martial arts, the esoteric nature of solo katas provides a good practice ground for burning through your enemies.

Meditation and prayer are other techniques that help develop the confidence required to know you can handle any thought or emotion that arises.

Once you know how your tool works you have to practice using it on a day to day basis as any little thought appears. Such that when it comes time to encounter a larger hesitation you can switch it on at will.

Decision Preparation

When it comes to actions that we have time to consider and make decisions about there are some fundamental understandings that can help you lessen the grip that any cause of hesitation can put on you.

1. You will never have perfect and/or complete information for making decisions

Don’t put off action just because you might be wrong in your assumptions about other people. You cannot know for sure how someone will respond to you. Take off the gloves and present yourself to the world.

2. There is no tragedy you cannot recover from

It may seem like there is the possibility of undesirable results from your planned action. But the mind will always make things seem catastrophic when there is nothing to stop you from moving on from whatever happens.

3. Doubt creates the D in Self-Destruction

Do not second guess your decisions. If you have come to a decision through a logical analysis and after weighing your options decided upon an action then you have no reason to doubt your decision to act.

The food that doubt thrives on is the fact that we are stuck with incomplete information. In the case of interacting with other people it is worse because not only do we have limited information but what information we have is actually just our interpretation of the words and actions of another person. Such things are easy for a thought to manipulate to make a case against our action.

If you allow doubt to exist in your thought process it will lead to the destruction of your action.

A method I have been using to nullify persistent doubts is to first realise that a doubt is just another possibility like your other conclusions. Then you consider both the doubt and your other conclusions and assign them each a percentage possibility of being true. Now doubt has no power as is it just another possibility. Next you choose the one with the greatest possibility of being true and act upon its basis.

Understanding these elements will leave you more confident to discard any thought that may doubt action in the critical moments.

Now go for it and burn with fire through the world.

photo credit: woodleywonderworks

Our lives are defined by the things we do, not what we think.

Our actions are only limited by what we believe to be possible.

Therefore it is critical that we are always expanding our horizons in order to discover all the things that we could possibly be and do if we knew they were possible.

Now you can go and read wondrous stories of all the incredible feats that humans have done, but in let me do some of that for you:

1. Bring Food and Aid to people in Need
2. Ensure an Entire Country is Educated
3. Land on the Moon
4. Learn a foreign language
5. Make a Homemade Helicopter
6. Invent the Refrigerator
7. Play the Mario Theme with a Remote Control car and Wine Bottles
8. Make someone Smile Wholeheartedly

What is more important than reading is to push your own boundaries

It is nice to know what others have been capable of but it is more valuable to know that you are capable of anything.

Call it self-confidence, call it inner strength, call it anything you want as long as it entails something you can build in yourself.

When I started martial arts I had no idea about my ability, but I felt internally I could learn any physical skill. But really I couldn’t care I just wanted to learn. My first few weeks showed me how incapable I was of the task. Yet a few years later I’m still training and am the current Australian Iaido champion for my grade (aka beginner).

Starting my study of Japanese was (and is) equally daunting. It is like sitting in a room as a baby understanding nothing, a shock to the system of anyone who thinks themselves an accomplished individual. Eight months later and when I go to do something that would involve saying ‘excuse me’ I have to discard a few japanese equivalents before I remember the english words.

Last week I decided to only drink water as an experiment to see what it was like not drinking soft drink. Now I know for sure that when my mind says that soft drink would go down really now that water can go down equally well.

Try something new.

No matter how small or large, experiment.

After you have be doing this for awhile you will start to develop an attitude of always being able to try.

Then one day you may come to realise that all human achievements and successes are simply due to time and effort, nothing else.

photo credit: rachel_thecat

There are two ways to change your life.

One is to light a fire under yourself and launch yourself out of a cannon with radical change in an area.

The other is to slowly build momentum in a direction much like a wave swelling up as it crosses the ocean.

This tool is about building momentum and ensuring continual change.

Tool for Continual Change

Like all good tools, it is a simple one.

Take a sheet of paper and divide it into 3 columns.

Problem, Solution and Done

Have about 14 rows so you can use it for 2 weeks and then stick it on your wall.

At the end of the day or when you get home after a days work, sit down and stop for a few minutes.

Think about one thing that has been bothering you or just doesn’t feel right in your life. Write it down in the ‘Problem’ section.

It doesn’t have to be the biggest problem in the world. I’ve written things like:

• Progress is slowing learning Japanese
• Procrastinating about which project to start
• Don’t have a good consistent place to store ideas and tasks

That being said they can be life changing issues, some of my bigger ones were:

• What is my plan to decide if I want to live in Japan
• If freedom is so important to me, how does my study of Japanese fit in?

My point here is that you can put down anything that you feel like would be better if something changed about it.

Now walk away and do something else.

When you come back to the room have a look at the sheet of paper. If any ideas of how you could  make an improvement on a problem occurs then write them down in the ‘Solution’ section.

Take action on your solutions through whatever task organisation process you use.

At the end of every week put aside 30 minutes to review your problems and solutions. If any solutions are complete, tick the ‘Done’ section. If any problems don’t have a solution put a bit of thought into them or call a friend to discuss.

Do this everyday and at the end of a year you will look back and be amazed at all the positive changes in your life.

Key Actions

1. Print out a 3 column (Problem, Solution, Done) sheet and stick it on your wall.
2. At the end of each day, write down a new problem point that jumps to mind.
3. Periodically when you pass the sheet think of solutions to problems. Take Action.
4. At the end of the week review your sheet and see if you can fill in any missing solutions and mark off successful actions.

They are Tools that Inspire and Reminders.

Tools that inspire give you the energy to change either through a external or internal motivator(like confidence) or by providing a method in which you feel like you will actually be able to accomplish change.

Reminders are simply things that keep you on track. They constantly nudge you to stay on the path and keep your eyes on the goal.

These tools are purely enablers because you are the only person that can make any difference to the person you are. Only your internal effort can change you.

On to the list.

Tools that Inspire you to Become a Better Person

Books/Blogs – Religious/Self Development/Psychological and any other piece of reading material in which one is convinced that change is possible. When you read about how others have acheived changes you feel that ‘it is something that I could do’.

Role Models/Mentors – The people that when you see them in action make you think ‘I want to be like that’. Watching the embodiment of positive action and unstoppable change is an inspiring thing.

Forums – Talking to others about your efforts and reading about peoples troubles and successes provides you with ideas, encouragement and perspective giving you options(although sometimes too many) to try.

Blogging – When you blog you are stating your opinions to the world. By pushing yourself out into the world your self-confidence doubles. I also have to say that receiving positive comments that encourage the development of yourself and others is indeed very inspiring.

Reminders to Become a Better Person

Quote of the Day - A quick and easy message to kick you into the right frame of mind.

Visible Goals – When you plaster your surroundings with reminders or statements of intention you can’t help but move towards them. The bonus with these is that they are your statements, that you choose to represent what you want. They mean something to you.

Diary – Keeping track of your ups and downs allows you to reflect on the direction you are heading. It provides the means to pull your head out of the daily efforts and look at what is happening around you.

Schedules/Rituals – When you set yourself up with a consistent daily set of self development activities, you provide yourself with a solid foundation in which to launch yourself from. It can be anything from morning meditations, after work retrospections to martial arts.

Leave a comment about what tools you use.