I want to take this opportunity to elaborate further on this topic as it is something that is easy to misunderstand and draw incorrect conclusions from. For the purpose of this post I will have evil refer to the notion of incorrect or wrong action.

Here is what we need to understand:

• Everything is awesome at the core
• Thoughts and Emotions wrap awesomeness
• Action is spawned through compulsion

Everything is Awesome at the Core

Underneath the labels, the preconceived notions and the ideas everything and everyone is awesome.

This is the pure natural state of things. It can only really be appreciated and understood however when you yourself reach within and find your own natural state.

Discovering this was the topic of my last awesomeness post which is worthwhile reading. If you cannot discover your own awesomeness it will be impossible to see the awesomeness of someone doing something evil.

Thoughts and Emotions wrap Awesomeness

Our natural state is one of awesomeness. Throughout our day thoughts and emotions come up and these obscure our view of awesomeness causing us to lose our grasp on it.

The awesomeness does not however disappear. It is always present.

Consider awesomeness as a lightly glowing ball.

Whenever a thought or emotion captures us it is like putting the ball into a plastic bag.

As thought after thought piles on the ball becomes further obscured until it is so well hidden that all that can be perceived is a crinkly mass of plastic.

Thoughts and emotions are not awesomeness. They are additions like magnets on a fridge. It is important to be able to distinguish between them and realise that they are separate entities.

Only when you strip away the layers of thoughts and emotions can you see awesomeness.

Action is Spawned through Compulsion

If you watch yourself carefully you will see that a lot of your own actions are driven by the thoughts and emotions inside of you. We are often compelled to do certain things.

The classic example is when insulted we get irritated and say mean things back. Another example is that when we see yummy food we feel like eating even if we are not really hungry.

Many of our little actions during the day are created through this sort of cause and effect compulsion, from thoughts and emotions. It is an interesting experiment to watch yourself and verify this.

It is important for me to add that not all action is driven in this way from thoughts and emotions and nor does it have to be. But many actions do come to be through this.

The Action may not be Awesome but the Person Still Is

What I am getting at here is that no matter how evil a persons actions are they are still a human being. At the core there is something that is the same in everyone and that is perfect.

When someone has their headphones in and bumps through you without a sign of remorse their awesomeness is simply not evident due to them being captivated by thoughts and emotions.

I have not talked to any criminal offenders but I would expect that everything they did was for a reason (thought) or because they lost control (through emotions), the same goes for all of us on a smaller scale.

Every single one of us is equally capable of great evil and acts unbecoming of being human but regardless we are still human inside.

With the understanding of how thoughts and emotions effect our actions then we can look past the external elements of a person and appreciate what is on the inside.

We are absolutely responsible for our actions, thoughts and emotions. But everyone is awesome behind these and that is something we should all remember.

A moment to care or abandon

Whenever you make even a momentary connection with someone, make it a worthwhile and positive one. You only have one short chance in which to tell them you care or you don’t. Let me give you some examples:

• Walking down the street and someone meets your gaze – When your gaze meets someone elses you can feel the connection. If you look away immediately you leave the other person with a sense of worthlessness and loneliness, as if you never wanted to see them. You don’t have to say hello but a smile and a nod says loud and clear that ‘I recognise and appreciate you as a person’
• Questions in the workplace/classroom – When people ask questions they are handing you the end of their rope that they hold precious for only those who they dearly trust. A quick answer without a glance or second thought is the same as pointing them in the right direction and leaving them dangling. A sincere interest in helping them solve their (however minor) problem is like reaching to them and pulling them up. When you lend people your strength they will feel they have gained someone to trust and will feel valued
• Shopping at the checkout – I worked in retail for 6 years while I was studying and I know it was very refreshing when someone treated you like a human as apposed to some machine made solely for customer service. So next time you are purchasing something beat the operator to the customer service lines. Strike up a genuine conversation with a smile and you will clearly see them relax. With a bit of luck they will smile too

When people put something of themselves out there, unless they are among the elite people who are self-confident, they find themselves teetering on the edge of a cliff. If they are accepted they will come out into the light, if they are left hanging they will throw themselves off into the dark pit below.

Sometimes it is easy to tell when it really matters that you put out a positive interaction. Someone sheepishly comes up and asks you a question in a trembling voice while looking at the ground. Other times it can be very difficult to pick up. People who are used to always putting on a smile and acting as if everything is fine are hard to read. Generally you have to watch their body language very carefully. Are they standing stiffer than usual? Is their head inclined slightly higher? Do they appear to be hanging after their question is asked? Are their eyes open a little wider than normal? Not something that is easy to analyse as it varies from person to person. Just be receptive and trust your gut feeling.

An example of mine

Recently I attended an awards ceremony which dealt with probably 100 recipients, their families and high-profile industry sponsors. The next day I came into contact with one of the people who had been ushering people to their seats. They asked me if I enjoyed the night and I responded positively. Later on I read an email thanking the event organisers and noticed there was an extended thank you for the tremendous time and effort of the person I had just been speaking to.

Thinking back to the moment I was asked the question about the night I can clearly picture the expression on her face. It was an expression of ‘I’m not going to claim I worked really hard but I want to know that people appreciate it’. So what at face value could have been taken as a casual conversation really had much deeper implications.

The key points to take out of this are:

• Show everyone you care – It only takes a moment of dedicated attention
• Even seemingly minor events can matter – It may be an offhand question or they could be trying to hide their real hopes. Treat everything like it matters, it could make a big difference

When have you seen the little things you do make a big difference to someone’s life?

The intro

So there I was, waiting for a train so I could go watch a movie with my friends in the city.

As usual around train stations these days, there are a wide variety of people hanging around. From the suits to the people who are drug/alcohol abusers.

Suspicions rising

Across the tracks on the other platform two uniformed police officers arrive looking around appearing casual. It’s reassuring to see police around, probably doing a routine check of the area. But then two more police officers arrive on our platform.

Now whenever there are more cops in an area than would usually be in a single police vehicle (>2) you start to wonder.

Action

One of the policeman enters the toilets,

“Good afternoon, how are we?”

Crash! Bang? Shouting!?! and any other classic Batman sound effects you know of.

I turn around and see the policeman pinning someone up against the wall with their arm behind their back.

What actually happened

When the cop entered, the floor had needles all over it. The man closest to him (in the woman’s toilets may I add) upon seeing him reached into his jacket. This is what caused the police officer to go after him. As it turned out I don’t think the guy was reaching for anything, probably just nervous. What struck me most after the policeman established that the guy didn’t have anything dangerous on him was what he said:

“When you see a police officer you freeze, don’t reach for anything”

Lesson learned

In every situation there are appropriate and inappropriate things you can do, each of which effects how others will react to you. Now not often will a mistake lead you to being tackled by someone but in the social world, impressions count. So pay attention and evaluate how you act in different situations, especially take note of the things you do almost unconsciously.

Have you ever done something that would normally not attract any attention but in this circumstance created uproar?

Imagine if the first lord had been able to control himself and diffuse the situation. His own life would have saved along with many others.

In our times the majority of us are not in such positions where the consequences of our mistakes are so grave. But if one can conduct oneself such that they don’t have enemies and have a loyal host of allies, how much better off they would be. Here are my diplomacy tips for the budoka.

Allies are good to have

Allies are the best kind of people to have. These are all your good friends and family. But strong ties don’t maintain themselves. Effort has to be constant to stay close. Some activities to maintain some bonds to friends that are wavering.

• Send an email – Great for breaking back into a friendship that has gone cold for too long.
• Make it a habit to talk on instant messenger – Don’t swamp people but work on having regular conversations.
• Organise a reunion or a get together – If you used to hang around with a group of people organise an informal gathering. Movie, dinner, whatever was what the group might like.
• Call people – If you are already close enough to be on a calling basis do it regularly so you don’t lose the line.

Reduce your enemies

No one wants or needs enemies (We have enough problems on our own).

• Don’t make enemies - Just don’t. Don’t insult people, don’t get angry, don’t do anything you would not have them do to you. If they are people who do the wrong thing let them drift away, be indifferent like water, don’t give them ammo.
• Make space – Heard the saying ‘Time heals all wounds’, well generally scars remain. Give people room to get over their problems with you.
• Release enemies – If you have an enemy already, stop thinking and acting as if they are enemies. Reset your opinion to zero and then follow point 1 and 2

In the end self control will stop you making enemies and commitment will help you maintain your allies.

Image by box of badgers